First Read Radio: Grandma's New Boyfriend

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Family dinner becomes hard to swallow when Grandma Gertrude brings home her newest boyfriend – her granddaughter’s teacher. Grandma’s New Boyfriend is a funny and wildly absurd short film written by Stephanie Westendorf.

Credits

Written by: Stephanie Westendorf
Directed by: Gary Jones
Sound Supervisor and Editor: Ryan Gottshall
Produced by: Awfully Good Media

Recorded at Spacewalk Sound
www.spacewalksound.com

Cast

Narrator: Matthew Barnes
Caroline: Rhiannon Thomas
Grandma Gertrude: Stephanie Carpentieri
Brad: Devon Crittenden
Grandpa: William Gabriel Grier
Mom: Rachel Gallop
Dad: Melvin Grier
Mr. Larson: Dylan Werth

Grandmas New Boyfriend_R Script


GRANDMA'S NEW BOYFRIEND



Written by Stephanie Westendorf


steph.westendorf@gmail.com 239.994.0671

INT. DINING ROOM


CAROLINE, 16, sits at the dining room table with her brother BRAD, 13, and her DAD, 40s. Her MOM, 40s, enters with food.


MOM

They should be here any minute now.

CAROLINE

I just don’t get why Grandma needs to bring a different guy home every weekend.


BRAD

Um, because she’s a straight up playaaah!


DAD

Right on, Bradster! Exploding fist bump?


They accompany with EXPLODING FIST BUMP SOUND EFFECTS.

BRAD

Exploding fist bump n’ grind.

CAROLINE

That’s so gross.

MOM

Caroline, be nice.

CAROLINE

But--

There’s a KNOCK on the door.

MOM

Come in!


GRANDMA GERTRUDE, 76, enters with her date, MR. LARSON, early 20s.


MOM (CONT’D)

Finally! There are the lovebirds!

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

Hello!

MR. LARSON

Nice to meet you all. I’m--

CAROLINE

Mr. Larson?! Grandma, that’s my math teacher!


GRANDMA GERTRUDE

And my little smarty pants!

BRAD

Noice, Mr. Larson! Keepin’ it real with the G-Spot.


MR. LARSON

I’m sorry?

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

Oh, that’s his nickname for me. The G-Spot. For Grandma Gertrude.

(raising the roof voice) G-Spot in the house!


CAROLINE

Please stop.

DAD

Caroline, is this about you not having a boyfriend? You’ll get there--


CAROLINE

Dad, are you serious?

DAD

It’s normal to feel jealous.

CAROLINE

I am not jealous of my 76-year-old grandmother dating my high school math teacher!


MR. LARSON

Please, call me Dave.

CAROLINE

No.

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

Why don’t we all sit for dinner?

MOM

(suggestive)

I bet you two have worked up an appetite.


The couple GIGGLES as they sit.

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

This one always has an appetite.

CAROLINE

Well, now I’ve lost mine.

DAD

So, how did you two meet?

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

At Caroline’s open house.

CAROLINE

What? Grandma, you said you had to leave early from the open house because you weren’t feeling well.


GRANDMA GERTRUDE

I wasn’t. I was feeling a little flushed and very hot.


Grandma Gertrude and Mr. Larson GIGGLE again.

GRANDMA GERTRUDE (CONT’D)

Davey was so charming. I had never seen anyone command a classroom like your teacher.


MR. LARSON

And I had never seen anyone command a dress like your grandmother.


The two exchange PLAYFUL NOISES and touches with increasing affection until they are full on necking with SLOBBERY KISSES.



Aww.

MOM

DAD

Isn’t that sweet?


CAROLINE

Grandma, I had to take the bus and walk 5 blocks to get home that night. All because you were banging Mr. Larson?


MOM

Caroline! Can you stop being so selfish for once?


CAROLINE

I am going to lose it.

DAD

That’s the spirit, sweetie. Someday, you will lose it. When the right boy comes along--


CAROLINE

Stop!


Or girl--

DAD CAROLINE

Oh my God! Stop!!

Finally, everyone stops and listens to Caroline.

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

What is it, Caroline?

MR. LARSON

I think I know what it is.

MOM

She’s bitter.

MR. LARSON

No, not that.

DAD

Ooh - I know! She’s lonely.

MR. LARSON

Not quite.

BRAD

She’s super lame.

MR. LARSON

Now that’s irrelevant, Brad. Caroline, I get it. You’re not comfortable with your grandmother being in a relationship with a man who’s less than a third of her age. And it’s inappropriate for me to date a student’s grandparent.


CAROLINE

Exactly! Thank you!

MR. LARSON

And it was wrong for her to ditch you at the open house - a young girl on the streets, you could have gotten mugged!

CAROLINE

I did get mugged! I told her that--

MOM

Don’t interrupt him, Caroline!


They are all hanging on Mr. Larson’s every word in his Don Draper-esque pitch speech.


MR. LARSON

But, don’t we all deserve love? I love your grandmother. And I’ll never replace your grandfather; I’m sure he was a great man. I can only hope to make her as happy as he did when he was alive.


CAROLINE

He is alive. He’s upstairs.

MR. LARSON

What’s that now?

CAROLINE

They’ve been married for 50 years.

MR. LARSON

(shocked) Gertrude, I thought--


GRANDMA GERTRUDE

(suddenly more distant)

Oh, Davey, that’s all very sweet. But, love? I thought we were just hooking up on the DL.


MR. LARSON

But--

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

I’m sorry - I just need to send a quick text.


Mr. Larson’s phone CHIMES. He reads a text.

MR. LARSON

Oh that’s me-- (devastated)

Wait...you’re breaking up with me?! Through a text?


MOM

Well, this is awkward.

MR. LARSON

Is this really happening?

DAD

(re: Mr. Larson)

Oof, looks like someone can’t take a hint.


MR. LARSON

I don’t understand--

BRAD

For a math teacher, you sure suck at adding things up.


Brad and Dad do a muffled exploding fist bump.

MR. LARSON

I guess I’ll...go?

BRAD

Get to steppin.

DAD

Brad - give him some time.

After a very uncomfortable 5 seconds or so-

DAD (CONT’D)

Okay, that’s enough time. I’ll walk you out.


MOM

Well, Caroline - anything you want to say for yourself?


GRANDMA GERTRUDE

(to Caroline)

Yea, thanks a lot, buzzkill.

CAROLINE

Wh--

DAD

(returning to the table)

Shhh! Grandpa’s coming.

The stairs CREAK as GRANDPA, 70s, makes his way down.

GRANDPA

I must’ve dozed off. What was in that tea you made me?

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

(suspicious) Just the usual.


GRANDPA

Mm - this food smells amazing. (sitting down at the

table)

Can you pass the butter? (beat)

Was someone at the door earlier?

GRANDMA GERTRUDE

Nope.


They all eat in silence - just the sound of MUNCHING and forks CLINKING on plates.


THE END